do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I want her autograph on my taint
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
