We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Randomize
