This girl is more easily done than said...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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