Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
