yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
