youre lurking in front of me
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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