he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You may now shotgun with the bride
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize
