my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
