Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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