I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
