***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
