dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
