This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Randomize
