soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
