Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
