Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
