Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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