Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
