It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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