You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
