I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
