I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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