I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I want to be your penis for a week.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize