i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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