i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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