ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
