I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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