i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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