I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
