OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
