He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
