if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
