Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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