She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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