My room smells like vodka and shame
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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