Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
