are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
