Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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