but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
