I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
