Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize