i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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