Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
