Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
