Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
You need Xanax blowdarts
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
