I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Sorry about my life...
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
