shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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