Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
