literally had 100 drinks last night.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
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