She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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