I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
