I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
