My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
