Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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