maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
