Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Randomize
