guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
