How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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