hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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