I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
