I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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