if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
