she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
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