He had one of those small greek statue penises
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize