if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
