My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
