"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Well I just put wine in my tea
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
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