We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
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