I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
