I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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