And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We talked him into tasing himself.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
