does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
So much Jack, so little girl.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize