When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
All the doctor said was why
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
