She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Randomize
