"it" just moved
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
