Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
