bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
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