No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
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