I like my sex mixed with concussions.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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