And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
We need to get me chipped asap
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
