She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
