you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
