dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
