physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Enjoy the penises
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
