i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
