Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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