After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
