I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Randomize
