Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
