We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Randomize