fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
