ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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