I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
