Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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