tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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