she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
