it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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