i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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