I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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